Mehlman being arrested outside his Washington, DC home
Washington, DC (APE) - FBI agents early today surrounded the Washington, DC suburban home of Republican National Party chairman Ken Mehlman and took him into custody without incident. FBI sources stated that Mehlman will be charged with airing a composite video of Al Qaeda chief Osama bin Laden and his lieutenants threatening America. The video suddenly appeared on multiple television stations throughout the United States earlier this week, and the FBI immediately suspected a hoax after last week's Internet dirty bomb threat.

"They just began following the paper and money trail," stated US Attorney Christopher J. Christie. "It was astounding, the millions of dollars that were poured in to finance the perpetration of this hoax. It was an arrogant and stupid thing to do."

President Bush, modelling the new Rhetorex/Teflon fiber blend protective gear which will be issued to all Team Bush drivers this year

Washington, DC (APE) - President Bush yesterday made an appearance at the RNC's NASCAR themed kickoff event and reportedly netted the party $17 million for the upcoming races in 2006. In stark contrast to the lower income "base" for which the event was calculated to appeal, over 800 people showed up with many donating much more than the $1500 entrance fee for an average of over $21,000 per person. The security staff for the DAR Constitution Hall, where the event was held, was documented as chipping in together for over $100,000 according to RNC accounting. RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman stated that, "The car seems to be running pretty good right now. We had some problems earlier with a loose, "squishy" rear end and a definite pull to the left. But our phone banks say we've got 'er dialed in pretty good now, and if we can just work on keeping fresh rubbers all around, we should be very competitive this year."

Corpus Christi, TX (UPSI) - Harry Whittington, the 78 year-old lawyer who was recently shot by his friend, Vice President Dick Cheney, is apparently doing quite well after suffering a mild heart attack, according to his ER physician and a hospital administrator. Both addressed reporters today to dispel rumors of Whittington's condition given the fact that he remains in intensive care.

As most us are working through the waning hours Friday just trying to withstand the onslaught of multitasking, bills, errands, routine challenges, while ignoring the corrupt state of affairs governing their country, Republicans have been busy framing their "come back to Jesus" moment before Bush delivers his SOTU later this month.  So much to spin; so little time.

Take a trip through today's Republican weapons of mass deception, or what the American Dialect Society and Stephen Colbert might term truthiness.

From reliable source Scott McClellan:

President Bush will visit the ultra-secret National Security Agency on Wednesday, underscoring his claim that he has the constitutional authority to let intelligence officials listen in on international phone calls of Americans with suspected ties to terrorists.

"We are stepping up our efforts to educate the American people."

There.  Feel better, now?  Scott McClellan, et al., "are educating" us.