reposted from www.richieville.com

Richieville News Service - BOYNTON BEACH, FL

  In retirement communities and delicatessens across this state, Jewish voters expressed grave reservations over the news of Israel's peace talks with Syria. The outpouring of criticism  raised the possibility that Israel might be losing the support of one of its core constituencies, Jews.

 "They're talking to terrorists!" said Bernie Kupferstein, 74, as he leaned on his shuffleboard stick at the Aberdeen Country Club. "I can't believe Israel would betray Israel like that."

(reposted from my blog, www.richieville.com)

  Unable to compete with the Obama fundraising juggernaut, and facing a serious money disadvantage in the general election, Senator John McCain announced today that he was starting a psychic hotline service. McCain campaign manager Rick Davis announced the new fundraising scheme in a statement to the press.

  "Last week, Senator McCain told the world of his predictions for the year 2013," Mr. Davis told reporters at McCain headquarters in Arlington, Va. "Now members of the general public can take advantage of these same psychic powers to help guide them in their personal lives."

Radical Islamic Group Thinks Singer Is "Dreamy."

Effect On Idol Voters Unclear

(originally posted in my blog www.richieville.com)

Richieville News Service -GAZA
 Pundits of the right and left, along with music industry executives and several million teenage girls, clashed today over what appeared to be an endorsement of American Idol contestant David Archuleta by the radical Islamic organization Hamas. The disputed remarks came at the end of a press conference given by Hamas spokesman Ahmed Yousef, when he digressed from his comments about the latest round of violence between Israel and Palestinians to say, "I really like David Archuleta. I hope he wins."

This last month, the Internet has been particularly mind-boggling. Conservatives - apparently still suffering cognitive dissonance over the failure of the "permanent majority" - have been pulling some particularly bizarre statements out of their hats. Just for fun, I've compiled some of my favorites from the past month and mixed them with a few of my own. See if you can't spot the real right-wing theses. Answers and proof are below the fold.

1. The Renaissance caused World War II and the Bolshevik Revolution.

2. The fact that pregnancy is not caused by eating a cupcake proves that gay couples shouldn't raise children.

3. Too much soy will turn young boys into homosexuals and cause young girls to reach puberty early.

4. The paper money system is a liberal plot.

5. Merriam-Webster dictionaries have a definite liberal bent, and children who use them are more likely to vote Democratic as adults.

As some of you might know, I've got my own mysterious connections that gives me access to some of the most evil and vile men.

For example, here was my interview with Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney, Bill Frist.

Tonight I went even deeper into rabbit hole. Tonight I delved into Fort Meade -- NSA central -- to interview former NSA Director Gen. Michael Hayden.

With less than a year until the 2006 election, it's time for another look into the cracked crystal ball. In advance, I know Atrios has done this already, but I think I can do better. Hubris, perhaps, but we'll see.

Below are my predictions regarding the actions of the Bush Administration, the Punditocracy, and the right-wing media establishment, particularly as they relate to Iran. Enjoy.

It's only the third day of the new year, and already the nuts are coming out of the woodwork. Take Bob Knight, head of the Concerned Women for America's Culture & Family Institute. He seems to have a problem with the Barbie web site. Why? Well . . .

A poll on the Barbie Doll's website asks children to select their gender, and there are not two, but three choices. ''I don't know'' is the third option, and Christian ministries point out the homosexual agenda behind this latest move made by Mattel, the toy company that owns Girl Dolls, Fisher-Price, and Hot Wheels.

That pretty much says it all. (Incidentally, the website no longer displays "I don't know", instead showing "I don't want to say") Now, I could argue that there are reasons for that option to be available that don't involve a sinister plot to unravel the delicate psychosexual complex of 4-8 year olds, but what's the point? It's Bob Knight. He holds a top position at an organization called the Concerned Women for America and fails to understand how that makes it ironic when he talks about gender confusion. So I'd like to posit a challenge. In the extended entry are seven quotes. Some of them are from Bob, while some are made up or from other sources. See if you can guess, then check below for the solutions.

In keeping with the holiday spirit, I'm posting an updated version of my piece from last year.  The original is here, at our previous site, for all you revisionists who like to keep track of these things.

You may have noticed that we're taking a little time off here at the Cortex for the holidays, but that doesn't mean we aren't thinking of you and all the issues currently being digested over the Congressional recess.

Without further delay, then, for your reading pleasure:

'Twas the night before a holiday, when all through the House
Not a creature was stirring, not even a louse;
Moral values were hung by the chimney with care,
To defend the Patiot Act, lest obstructionists be there;

The bloggers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of indictments danced in their heads;
And the Senate minority, finally at rest,
Had just settled down for delayed winter's recess.

JibJab has their new piece up, and it's great fun, as usual.  Highlights Bush's "greatest hits" of the year.

Give it a peek before there's a "meltdown" as word gets out.

JibJab 2-0-5

The proverbial Chinese curse, "May You Live in Interesting Times" (which a quick google-about reveals, is most likely not of Chinese origin at all) is something that many of us here can certainly relate to the past five years of American history.  I would suggest that a corollary to this notion, that "interesting" times may not be the most desirable of times in which to live, would be that they are also great fodder for satire, possessing as both imperial Rome did and early 21st Century America does an overabundance of absurdity.  And it seems to me that due to a confluence of cultural forces, we are fortunate to be living in an age that has provided great and willing satirists and purveyors of ironic humor.

I doubt I am alone in having noted that there is something horribly askew when one can argue that our best newspaper is a fake newspaper (The Onion) and our best news show is a fake news show (The Daily Show), both of which have been enormously successful, and the latter of which has spawned a best selling book and now a spinoff show, The Colbert Report, that consists almost entirely of that most familiar of satirical forms, parody (and which even has its own website).

Heh!

Jay Leno:   "Yesterday, President Bush had an embarrassing moment, after holding a press conference in China. Did you see this on the news? He tried to leave the room, but the doors he was pulling on were locked. Once again, no exit strategy."

Jay Leno:   "As you know, President Bush has been in Asia all week. To prepare for the trip, he rented the movie, 'Kung Fu Hustle.'"

Jay Leno:   "President Bush followed Arnold Schwarzenegger into China. When Bush landed on Saturday, Arnold had just left. The Chinese thought they had trouble understanding Arnold. Huh? They go from Arnold Schwarzenegger, then Bush. Who's going next, Bob Dylan?"

Wait! There's more...