Jesus Wants You To Shop

Because what says "Jesus" better than a cut down Douglas Fir with electric plastic lights all over it?
Liberals, with their elitist political correctness, have got this issue all wrong. Face it, libs -- from November 1st to December 25th, you're on Jesus Time. It doesn't matter if your Jewish or Muslim or aetheist. The sooner you stop fighting it, the better off you'll be.
So put away your copy of Mother Jones, turn off your Dixie Chicks and get with the program.
Jesus wants you to shop.
Jesus understands.
Jesus also wants you to celebrate his birth by placing giant blowup snowmen and Spongebobs on your front lawn. The more shit you have on your lawn, the more you love Jesus.
Isn't that what the holidays are really all about?
Jesus also doesn't want anyone to forget to support our troops during the Christmas season. That's why Jesus thinks if America withdraws from Iraq, you're just surrendering to the terrorists. Jesus has a message for you liberals: Only cowards cut and run.
Jesus thinks John Murtha's a coward.
Ooops. Can Jesus get that stricken from the record?
Jesus also wants everyone to support George Bush. Even though he lied about Iraq, and failed to respond to Katrina, and he doesn't care about black people, and he supports torture, and he nominated Harriet Miers, well, Jesus thinks that Bush is resolute and can get the job done.
Jesus reads a lot of Jonah Goldberg.
So, Liberals, let's shape up. Stop hating Christmas, and go put a big Spongebob on your front lawn and help support this President.
Jesus wouldn't want it any other way.
KEYWORDS: Christmas, Jesus
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