Sponsors

Iraq: Dilbert Style Email Print

News of the White House's "Change of Course" and a new strategic plan for Iraq should probably not have ended up in the New York Times. After all, while it is a great newspaper, it lacks the best venue for the actual news coming from team Bush. The New York Times carries no comic strips - and most importantly, lacks the strip most appropriate for this particular news.... Dilbert!

For the millions who work in corporations where Dilbert's pointy-haired manager graces every cubicle wall, the Bush administration's corporate-clone plans for Iraq would surely fit right in.

Having worked in corporate America for many years, I can relate. The idiots in one department create a perfectly awful product and the marketing folks create glitzy brochures and plans to sell that perfectly awful product. The salespeople hit the streets trying to sell the perfectly awful product and the customers want nothing to do with it. Corporate leaders discover that their new product isn't selling and ask why. Sales tells them the product is garbage, and without major renovations, they can't sell it.

What does the CEO do?

He lays out a timeline, with strategic milestones for the sales force to achieve. "Carrot and stick" he says (he used to work for a food company and thinks selling widgets is the same as selling potato chips), "Offer them bonuses if they make their numbers but let them know they'll be fired if they don't meet these milestones."

"Are we going to give them more resources, or fix the product?" a VP of Sales asks. "Hell no!" shouts the CEO. "First they have to meet these milestones. After all, you go to market with the product you've got, not the one you'd like to have."

Sound familiar? While everyone was telling Donald Rumsfeld that we needed more troops and more equipment and a real post-war plan to win the peace, he said "You go to war with the army you have, not the one you'd like to have."

Three years later, with Iraq in utter chaos, what does the Bush team of corporate clones come up with as a plan? A set of milestones for the IRAQIs to meet. Forget about all the milestones the U.S. should have met by now (electrical generation, water treatment, fuel supplies, security, employment, food, a post-war plan.......).

To these pointy-haired and bald-headed idiots in the White House, the only reason things haven't gone well in Iraq is that we haven't clearly articulated quarterly management objectives (remember MBOs) for the IRAQIs to meet.

Can you imagine Dilbert standing in the middle of that Iraqi police academy the U.S. built, with feces and urine dripping down from the ceiling onto the heads of fleeing cadets, who run out into the streets only to be slaughtered by a car-bomb, and having George Bush berating him via videophone, saying "Why aren't you meeting your quarterly training objectives?"

I've spent a lot of time wondering why Americans haven't been outraged by the idiocy of this White House, and the countless lives that have been ruined by stupid decisions. I've also spent years wondering why, instead of leading a revolt and overturning the corporate aristocracy, American workers simply trudge through life in corporate hell, with their only sign of defiance being to paste Dilbert cartoons on every wall. Not many people die because of corporate clones, but three thousand American troops are dead, 20,000 maimed, over a half million Iraqis are dead, and we've spent nearly half a trillion dollars on this lunacy. Perhaps now, finally, it is time for Americans to rise up against their corporate masters and this arrogant and unfathomably incompetent government and demand change. November 7th is only a few weeks away. Let's send a message through the ballot box, and send these pointy-haired bastards to Elbonia.


KEYWORDS: , , , , ,

Sign up for a Complimentary Member Account... Join the community! It's fast. And it'll allow you to take advantage of all this site's great features!

< Corrode Your Conformity: Big Brother Doesn't Practice Fraternal Love | Losing Ground on Abortion >
 Display:
 Display: