Saving Irony From the Conservative Breakdown 
And yet, I can't help but feel a little sad. Not about the election, which better than I thought it would in my wildest dreams. It's the discourse that has me down. I realized that there would be a few conservatives who would overreact, but this...
I don't normally like the Colbert Report. Stephen was better on the Daily Show, as far as I'm concerned. However, Tuesday night was brilliant. It was great because Colbert's over-the-top routine was spot-on. The next morning, the wingnuts were repeating the same lines, only they were serious.
If irony wasn't dead before, it is now. And how can I write humor without irony? How can I top what the wingnuts are saying?
But I won't let this keep me down. I am dedicated to the work, I am up to the challenge, and I will not rest until satire is alive and well again. Behold, as I top every 'nut on the 'Net:
The results of the Democrat takeover of the Legislature will be catastrophic. You may have heard of the "one hundred hour plan"? Well, the TWO hundred hour plan will be to devise a way to create a border fence that only allows gay illegal immigrants through. (The technology exists - believe me!) While they're doing that, the joint North Korea-Iran-China-Russia-al Qaeda-NYT lab will inadvertently activate their MegaTerraGiga doomsday weapon of mass destruction. The resulting explosion will create a massive crater, driving the Lovecraftian horrors that live in the soil to the surface. While Nancy Pelosi and Ted Kennedy are appeasing the creatures with all the drugs and hookers they have on hand, the Gates of Hell - disrupted by the blast - will open. Satan and his minions will roam the earth, killing all true Christians. (But not Catholics! I don't care who the Pope is, I don't trust 'em one bit!) As the military struggles to combat the demons with the spitball shooters the Democrats have supplied them with, the government will descend into chaos. Meanwhile, an alien attack force which has been hiding in the moon for just such an occasion will swoop down and rip the planet asunder with their reality-bending Plastron beams. Those unlucky enough to survive the initial blast will bear witness in their final moments as George Soros, standing before his fell altar, absorbs the power of a billion dying men and becomes a demi-god. After swallowing several more planets to gain strength, the Ur-Soros will fly to heaven and challenge God Himself. And while the Almighty will inevitably win, the struggle will result in the pure, innocent souls of a million aborted fetuses being diverted on their way to heaven. They will be forced to wander the inky abyss of space for millennia, crying out for their sinful mothers who have long since been annihilated.
And all because you didn't like how Iraq turned out. Are you happy now?
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I imagine it'll be at least a month until someone tops that.
KEYWORDS: satire, pundits, blogging
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