Political Cortex: Brain Food for the Body Politic

In a stunning reversal of policy, Vice-President Dick Cheney has invited the openly shunned Jack Abramoff bird hunting. The Vice-President said he doesn't mind that Mr. Abramoff is currently embroiled in scandal; Cheney just wants to "help him get away from things." Cheney noted an attribute the pair shared. "I've heard that he has a talent for wandering off. That would make him an ideal hunting buddy. I've also insisted he forgo the neon orange vest for his traditional black trench coat and fedora. I just want him to feel at ease."

Huffington Post: EXCLUSIVE: First Photo of Cheney Shooting Victim

A spokesman for the vice president identified the shooting victim as Harry Whittington, but sources close to the incident suggest "Harry Whittington" is a Secret Service code name for Cheney's indicted former chief of staff, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby.

"Honestly, I didn't mean to shoot Scoot-- I mean, Harry Whittington," the vice president told reporters in "Mr. Whittington's" hospital recovery room.

The shooting occurred several days after it was revealed that Mr. Libby told special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald he was ordered by Vice President Cheney to leak classified national security documents to the press. The revelation could cost Cheney his job and whatever remains of his reputation amongst both Democrats and Republicans.

An EMT who attended to "Mr. Whittington" told the Huffington Post that, during the ambulance ride, he overheard Cheney mumbling, "Who's leaking now, f---ker?" and, "F---ker survived. Gotta work on my aim."

Political Cortex: Cheney Accidentally Bags Lawyer Out Of Season

The accident comes on the heels of the American Bar Association's this week pronouncing that the organization is officially against the White House's illegal domestic wiretapping program. Witnesses say that there may have been some words exchange between Cheney and Whittington earlier in the day over this very topic.

"There is just no way that anyone can construe this other than as an accidental shooting," stated spokeswoman McBride, "but that being said, both the president and vice president have stated openly and repeatedly that they have within their power the right to do anything, in order to preserve the safety and security of our country."

Game wardens on hand immediately checked the vice president's current hunting license and gun registration which seem to be in order. They did however point out that as of yesterday's date and time lawyers are strictly out of season and that in Texas there is no overlap between quail season and lawyer season. Authorities stated that they would further investigate any impropriety.

BSNews: Disgraced Cheney Retreats To His Undisclosed Location

US Vice President Dick Cheney, who shot and injured a man during a hunting trip this weekend, fled the hospital where the victim was being treated late last night to fly to his `undisclosed location.'

"I'm not going to be able to handle all the jokes at my expense," said an exasperated Cheney. "Conan, Leno, Letterman, Stewart, they're going to have a field day with this. I've gotta get out of here."

[...]

"He's going to be fine, the real question is, how am I doing?" said Cheney. "Awful, bad, terrible, these words don't begin to cover it. I'm incredibly embarrassed. Not only did I shoot my friend in the face with a shotgun, I didn't kill a single thing all weekend."

The Voice of Reason: Cheney's Guards 'Would Not Have Hesitated to Terminate Whittington'

A spokesman for Vice Presidential security has confirmed to this website that any attempt to fire bird shot into the face of VP Dick Cheney would have...

"...probably led to the person who fired being terminated in a hail of bullets and possibly rockets, even if it was an accident by an elderly person".

Luckily it was only Harry Whittington, 78, who was shot in the face by Dick Cheney this Saturday during a quail shoot.

The Nation: Cheney Gets His Gun

Sure, it's been fun joking about the fact that Dick Cheney obtained five -- count them, five -- deferments to avoid serving in the military during the Vietnam War. Sure, its been amusing to recount his limp claim that the man who served as George Bush I's Secretary of Defense had "other priorities" than taking up arms in defense of his country. Sure, it was a laugh when the chief cheerleader for the war in Iraq mocked John Kerry for having actually carried a weapon in a time of war.

But it is time to stop laughing at Dick Cheney's expense.

Now that the vice president has accidentally shot and wounded a companion on a quail hunt at the elite Texas ranch where rich men play with guns -- spraying his 78-year-old victim, er, friend, in the face and chest with shotgun pellets and sending the man to intensive care unit of a Corpus Christi hospital -- it has become clear that Cheney was doing the country a service when he avoided service.

The man Cheney mistook for a quail, millionaire attorney Harry Whittington, was in plain sight, wearing a bright orange vest at the time the vice president blasted him.

U.S. troops had enough problems in Vietnam without letting a trigger-happy incompetent like Dick Cheney start shooting things up from behind the lines.

Those deferments were well and wisely issued.

Blog Critics: "Crazed" Dick Cheney in Stand-off with Police after Shooting Man

Cheney's spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, continued to call the shooting "an unfortunate accident" and refused to comment on the reported stand-off with police.

"Mr. Whittington is very bird-like in his appearance," Mc Bride explained. "It is easy to see how the vice president could have mistaken him for a quail."

Canada.com: Cheney steps up war on lawyers

[Katharine Armstrong, whose family owns the ranch], described Mr. Cheney as "an excellent, conscientious shot."

"The person who is not doing the shooting at the point is just as responsible, and should be, as the person actually shooting," Ms. Armstrong said.

Oh wait, that was real. I guess the bright orange vest worn by Whittington must have blended right in with the bright orange vests worn by all those quails.

Tune in tomorrow for the Late Night Cheney/Whittington Round-up!

[* James and Sarah Brady are the founders of the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence. The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence in the United States is a not-for-profit organization headed by James Brady, former U.S. White House Press Secretary to President Ronald W. Reagan. James Brady was seriously wounded and became permanently disabled during an attempted assassination of the President in March 1981. Brady and his wife Sarah became leading advocates of gun control, education, and other actions to reduce the amount of gun violence in the United States.]