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White House Reveals "Flat Leader" Program Email Print

By Dood Abides
08/31/2006 08:00:21 PM EST

A Donald Rumsfeld cutout makes an appearance at a memorial service for 3 servicemen killed in Iraq

Washington, DC (APE) - Taking a cue from the Maine National Guard's successful "Flat Daddy" program, the White House today revealed its successful ongoing "Flat Leader" program. In a time of war, when resources and manpower are scarce, the White House stated that it was proud to add to and expand its support for the Maine National Guard's program as well as all servicemen in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The program has placed life-size cardboard cutouts of key American leaders within each and every regiment currently serving in both countries.

The Department of Defense stated that the "Flat Leader" program has become immensely successful and a real morale booster within a very short time span. There have even been reports of flat leaders that have been sacrificed in the hunt for IEDs, saving countless GI's lives.

"We're exploring the possibility of expanding the program to the home front," stated White House spokesperson Tony Snow. "We believe that this could have quite an impact on the spread of Islamo-Fascisim right here in America. In a nod to well-intentioned, but misinformed liberal American citizens, the cardboard as well as the rhetoric will be 100% recycled."

"Flat Leader" President George Bush stands guard with US soldiers at the scene of a car bombing in Baghdad

"Flat Leaders" are expected to begin appearing within the next two weeks at key Republican fundraisers and in increasing frequency across America on the approach of the November elections.

Former Democratic Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman expressed support and optimism for the White House's new initiative. He is also proposing legislation in the Senate this week, which would make the potential crime of "flat leader burning" a federal offense with stiff penalties.


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White House Reveals "Flat Leader" Program | 4 comments (4 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)
Tips/Flames? (none / 0)

by Dood Abides on 08/31/2006 08:01:08 PM EST

Great Idea (none / 0)
For one thing -- they should call the propaganda program "Flat Earth " not "Flat Leader."  That way, Thomas Friedman -- in his trademark cardboard armor -- can spearhead the program by delivering the graven images in person.

Otherwise, the cutouts will just wind up on the target range -- again.

Still, the logistical problems of the "Flat Leader" are enormous.  Not even cardboard Rummy would want to leave the safety of the Green Zone for fear he might catch a glimpse of the carnage, or a get a "hotfoot" from adoring soldiers. That expensive Blackwater, Inc. Delta Force A-Team would still be needed to protect him. But a cardboard Dumbya?  C'mon! You can't make cardboard that thin.  

Instead, how about a wall poster of Bush holding a real Thanksgiving turkey this time for the troops in Baghdad? That way, George can stay home in Crawford and serve the family a nice 20-lb. Swift Butterball crow.  And none too soon after the fall elections.

by FlyCatcher on 09/01/2006 10:44:59 AM EST

[ Parent ]
Great job, as always, Dood. (none / 0)
Is Cheney's prototype ready, yet?

Oh, that's right, he's tucked away in that "undisclosed location."  When he's not fundraising, of course.

Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle. FDR

by btyarbro on 09/01/2006 12:15:38 PM EST

[ Parent ]
MORE LIKE FLAT TARGET (none / 0)
I imagine that the insurgents, freedom fighters, and plain old vandals have a bounty on those piecs of cardboard.  Don't expect the media to report the creative destruction that our troops find or do. By the way, how much is this marketing costing the taxpayer? Elvis is still $49.99 at the party store.

Live simply, that others may simply live.

by anton weiss on 09/03/2006 11:49:13 AM EST

[ Parent ]
White House Reveals "Flat Leader" Program | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
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