THE TERRORISTS ARE HERE: GET THE DUCT TAPE! 
Six terrorists caught!!! Holy Moses, they're coming to get us. They're going after our troops . . . HERE, on our own soil! These guys were pure evil . . . and "Catastrophe in New Jersey" surely would have devastated life in America as we know it!
The mastermind, a pizza delivery boy, "Clearly, one of the guys had an intimate knowledge of the base from having been there delivering pizzas," U.S. Attorney Christopher Christie said.
This man and his cohort's vast knowledge of the 11.3 square mile maximum-security military base was just one of the key ingredients in their planned Catastrophe in New Jersey (or operation CINJ -- pronounced Singe).
These terrorists, one of whom was a U.S. born traitor, trained with paintball guns in the dense forests of New Jersey, and also at a paintball firing range in the secluded Pennsylvania's Pocono Mountains.
"We believe they are their own cell," said Christie of the paintball gun-wielding terrorists.
They were watching the video. They were attempting to convert the video. You know the one. It shows grown men on elementary school playground equipment rigorously working their bodies to tip-top Jihad shape. An unidentified source has told me that the same type of jungle gym was spotted at their Pocono Mountain paintball training retreat.
God help this country. And God, . . . thank you for preventing "Catastrophe in New Jersey"!
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Okay in all seriousness. I am sure that these guys meant harm. They were caught IMMEDIATELY after trying to purchase M-16s and AK-47s. I am sure they planned on taking their paintball skills somewhere.
However if these idiots are making front-page news all over the country, scaring the bejesus out of EVERYONE that reads about them -- then our problem is more with ourselves than with 6 dolts who were dumb enough to think that Pizza delivering and video copying to DVD were smart enough choices to take out an entire military base. If these guys scare you then I suggest never watching the Headless Horseman episode of Scooby-Doo.
Don't fall for the propaganda. These morons would have been shot dead if they'd even tried to enter Fort Dix.
Again, DO NOT fall for the propaganda. STOP falling for the propaganda.
KEYWORDS: Fort Dix, Ft. Dix, Ron Paul, terrorist, terrorists
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