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Satire: Huckabee Chooses a Runningmate Email Print

Note:  The concept for this bit of satire materialized in my e-mailbox a few days ago.  I have failed to identify its creator.  I rewrote and significantly extended the original concept.  Douglas Palmer of Brooklyn, N.Y. suggested the  "birth disqualification" section.

In a bold move that could dramatically alter the playing field of the  2008 GOP presidential race, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee today named Jesus Christ as his vice presidential running mate and personal savior.

While Huckabee, a former Southern Baptist preacher, has grown bolder in recent days touting his personal relationship with Jesus, most Republicans figured he was just blowing holier-than-thou smoke.  Cult presidential candidates Mitt Romney, a Mormon and Rudy Giuliani, a Catholic, were said to be especially dismayed.  

Their spokespersons referred all media inquiries to Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd, a Democrat who recently withdrew from the race.   Dodd, a Catholic who is married to a Mormon, said:  "Believe me, I feel their pain acutely as I am the head of a two cult family."

"This could be huge for Huckabee," said Stenson Partridge, a veteran GOP consultant. "Among Republican voters, Jesus Christ is even more popular than Ronald Reagan."

The Rev. Pat Robertson, a supporter of former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, said he was "blindsided" by the announcement: "I don't know about this alignment, just the other night I asked Jesus about this and He said He'd get right back to me.  So this is how He treats me after all these years?  This has got to be result of that sneaky charlatan Jerry Falwell's recent lobbying effort with God."

At a raucous rally in his hometown of Hope, Arkansas, which also gave us the lip-quivering William Jefferson Clinton, Huckabee supporters could be seen holding signs reading HONK IF YOU LOVE HUCK & JESUS in '08 and singing  What A Friend I Have in Jesus.

It is "highly unorthodox" for a presidential candidate to select a vice presidential running mate this early in the campaign, especially a prominent figure in the Holy Bible, says Davis Logsdon, dean of the School of Dubious Divinity at the University of Minnesota.

However, Logsdon warned that as divine as the Huckabee-Jesus alliance seems at first glance,  it will likely  turn problematic eventually. "Sooner or later it will dawn on people that if Huckabee is elected and dies in office, America would be looking at it's first Jewish President. Oi vey!"

In a late breaking development, Attorney General Michael B. Mukasey advised Huckabee that his choice of runningmates  "once again underscores your ignorance of basic constitutional law."

Mukasey's advisory, copies of which were released to reporters, explained: "Candidates for President and Vice President must be born on U.S. soil  or to U.S. citizens living elsewhere. You may claim that God is your co-pilot, but Jesus can not be your running mate.  Moreover, we have convincing evidence to support the charge that in fact, Jesus may be an illegal immigrant.  

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